Computer Jokes

Aloha!

Let's face it: Sometimes we want to pull our hair out when things go wrong on our computers. We lose our patience and our sense of humor and want to chuck the damn thing out the window. Given that fact, let's change course for a moment and get some levity about the subject. It's time for a little computer humor.

Ever heard of these computer viruses? 

• Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
• Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
• Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
• New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
• Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".
  
  Here are some indications that computers are male: 
• They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
• They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
• They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
• Big power surges knock them out for the night.
• Size does matter.
  
  Or perhaps computers are female after all because: 
• They are picky, picky, picky.
• They hear what you say, but not what you mean.
• When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing".
• You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong.
• They make you take out the trash.

And you think calling tech support is frustrating. Here's how the tech support person experiences things:

Circular argument

Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

Local difficulty

Customer: My 14 year-old son has put a password on my computer and I can't get in. Tech support: Has he forgotten it? Customer: No he just won't tell me it because I've grounded him.

Language difficulty

Customer: 'How do you spell 'Internet America'? Is there a space between 'inter' and 'net'?' Tech Support: 'No space between 'inter' and 'net'. It's spelled normally.' Customer: 'Ok. A-M-E-R-I-C-K?' Tech Support: 'That's A-M-E-R-I-C-A.' Customer: 'I-C-K???' Tech Support: 'A as in apple' Customer: 'There's no 'K' in apple!'

And lastly, here's one for the kids - submitted to a jokes website by a 12-year-old:

What does a computer do at the beach? Put on screensaver and surf the net!

Wishing you akamai and humorous computing!